Monday, January 30, 2012

7 things you may not know you’re not supposed to do in a bar.

1) …plop your coat / bag on the bar and leave ‘em there. This is a workspace. You are creating an impediment.
2) …help yourself to anything out of the garnish tray. If you desire another lime, ask for it. If you want a snack, order something off the menu. The olives are not all for you.
3) …assume that your drink will still be there if you wander off for more than five minutes and don’t say anything or give some sign (like the ol’ bevnap on the glass) that you’re coming back. I’ve had people leave a drink on the bar, then return a half an hour later asking where it is.
4) …think that the straws / stirrers are your own personal stash of chew sticks.
5) …assume that your spilled drink will be replaced at no charge. If you drive a car off the lot and crash it two blocks away, do you get another car for free? The bartender might cut you a break, but then again, he might not.
6) …leave a giant tip right off the bat. It makes the drinkslinger uncomfortable because the implication is that you’re now expecting special treatment (and a good bartender doesn’t show anyone special treatment).
7) … assume—especially if it’s busy—that the bartender remembers which tab is yours. It’s not too hard to just say “The tab is under [last name here].”

Thanks for your attention. Oh, and don’t ever call Jameson “Jaymo.”

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