POPS GUSTAV, Jersey City NJ
1) It not being summer any more.
2) DEXTER Season 6
3) Wearing long pants again (see #1)
4) BATMAN: YEAR ONE animated movie
5) Falling leaves and an early dusk (see #1)
6) Either moving or redoing the living room
7) The chili cook-off / Jeep-camping in VT
1) When bra commercials could only use mannequins as models
2) Watching LAUGH-IN and having a vague idea that there was some reason it was naughty
3) Being mad that the Watergate hearings pre-empted my afternoon cartoons
4) UHF / VHF, rabbit ears and no remote control
5) Walter Cronkite and Huntley / Brinkley (my folks didn’t do ABC News)
6) Wee Willie Weber’s Colorful Cartoon Club (see #3) on WPHL-17
7) Knowing I was up too late if I heard THE TONIGHT SHOW theme coming from my parents’ bedroom.
BOB FINGERMAN, New York NY
1) Jazz up their graphics. Really, Judgment Day is coming and that’s the snappiest ad campaign you could design? (All the best artists are sinners, that’s why.) Lame.
2) Try harder. Shed their clothes and try jumping up to Heaven, anyway (God Raptures those who Rapture themselves, or some such nonsense).
3) Get really pissed that God didn’t Hoover them up Heaven’s vac-hose and become Satanists.
4) If their clothes fly off for the Rapture, have an airborne orgy on the way up to Heaven (Oops! That’s a sin! And so close, too. Once you’re in Heaven, anything goes.).
5) Combine their goofy numerology with Sudoku (though Sudoku actually makes sense).
6) On May 22nd renounce their faith and join the world of the sane when once again Jesus fails to make his comeback.
7) Kill themselves. A giant mass suicide of soul-crushing disappointment. That would thin the herd of a few thousand nitwits.
As a lifelong atheist, I'd like to propose a reasonable deal to these people: I'll repent and accept Christ as my lord and savior if the Rapture does arrive on May 21st. Presented with irrefutable empirical evidence, I'll admit I was wrong, even if it's the last thing I get to do. But when May 22nd rolls along and everything is the same as it's ever been (in other words, exactly what May 22nd will be), can they all renounce their faith and admit it's a bunch of nonsense? No, they can't. Because they'll find more excuses about how their math was off or whatever. They can always find a way to justify (I'd say "rationalize," but rational is never a part of their thinking) getting it wrong. Again.
1. Buy a motorcycle. Better yet, STEAL a motorcycle
2. Do not renew driver's license
3. Try heroin
4. Get knocked up and drink shots all day
5. Call out sick every Thursday and Friday
6. Credit cards bills are really only a suggested donation
7. Pizza. All day.