CLAUDIA CHOPEK, Hoboken NJ1. Douchebagette on the phone in the A&P: "Well, I saw this thing on OPRAH the other day and now I'm DETERMINED to pay off my credit card bills."
2. Same douchebagette, same call, next sentence: "Why does all this peanut butter have to have NUTS in it? I'm trying to find some peanut butter and they all have NUTS in them!"
3. Douchebag out for dinner at Maxwell's with his girl and another douchebag couple ordering drinks: "Stoli Blueberry. Two. Chilled. And for the ladies?"
4. Pack of douchebags riding the PATH, discussing film: "LAST ACTION HERO? BEST movie. Schwarzenegger's best role. He literally should have won an Oscar for that."
5. Douchebag out for dinner with fellow douchebag discussing a weekend away with douchebagette and his ensuing conflict: "I'm not saying she was one hundred perCENT moron...but man, she has tits that just won't quit"
6. Older douchebag to young, future douchebag: "Syrup and sausage is a delicacy! Why do you think diners serve pancakes and sausage?"
And quite possibly my favorite of all time:
7. Douchebagette on the phone walking on the street: "...and you know, an old man IN HIS THIRTIES should be grateful that he can even GET someone in her 20's like me."